Infowars: There have been Secret Muslims in the White House since at least Jackie Kennedy!!!

Humans have an amazing ability to take a little bit of fact and spin out an amazing yarn from there. They also love to fuck with each other for fun and profit. For as long as photography has been around humans have been photoshopping images to make people believe things they made up. Two young cousins, Elsie Wright and Frances Griffith took a series of photos “PROVING” the existence of fairies.

These Cottingley Fairy photos were rejected by people who didn’t want to believe them and accepted by people who did want to believe them. Sound familiar? In fact, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, who created Sherlock Holmes, believed these photos were real and used them to illustrate an article he wrote on fairies in 1920. The internet and photoshop haven’t change humanity. They’ve just allowed us to let our conspiracy freak flag fly.

And, boy oh boy, have we let that freak flag fly. It’s important to note that conspiracy theories aren’t always grounded in nothing. Often, they work like fishing stories. You may have actually caught a fish…but then over time you exaggerated the size of the fish beyond all proportion.

Of course, you may also have lied about even catching the fish. Fortunately, there are truth tellers out there. Courageous folks who are willing to stand up to the LAMESTREAM media and uncover the hard truths. They’re willing to uncover the satanic sex rings being run out of Washington D.C. pizza shops. On the day of Carrie Fisher’s death, they’re willing to post that she might have been killed to boost Star Wars sales. Hurricane Katrina was an opportunity to test out the FEMA concentration camps. The devastating tsunami in south-east Asia on December 26, 2004, was manmade. Naturally, 9/11 was an inside job and so were the 7/11 bombings in London. And, of course, besides being Satan, Barack Obama was a secret Muslim. 

Of course, you can’t say all these things without coming under fire from the authorities who want to suppress these truths.

And boy, oh boy, do people have a lot of problems with Alex Jones’ Infowars. Here though is Alex, in his own words:

”I’m like a chimpanzee, in a tree, jumping up and down, warning other chimpanzees when I see a big cat coming through the woods… I’m the weirdo? Because I’m sitting in a tree going OOH OOH OOH AAH AAH AAH” —Alex Jones, describing his attempts to wake the sheeple

And he’s not just waking them up to the fact that the government is run by slaver pedophiles who worship Satan:

“Devil worshiping pedophiles basically run the New World Order. […] They love death and they love killing babies.” —Alex Jones

“They’ve got operations so big, grabbin your kids, they CPS ’em right out, Child Protection Services, they’re on a jet, to one of — two dozen countries. And they are slaved out. And lotta times when they hit 25 years old, they — y’know, 10,000 men have had sex with ’em, they’ve had 30, 40 abortions, they’ve been used up in ways that are so hellish you can’t even imagine, [slaps table] they just walk ’em right out, shoot ’em in the back of the head, and throw ’em in a vat of acid. That’s how they roll, just massive, MASSIVE murder operations.” —Alex Jones

He’s also waking them up to math:

“You see, 666 is a doubling of 33. And 33 is pi.” —Alex Jones

Alex Jones deserves a lot of credit for convincing people like my grandfather and my Uncle Bill that Barack Obama might be a Secret Muslim. Hail The Truthteller!

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Of course, some wicked libtards have suggested that there might be problems with this idea.

Stupid, libtards. He’s a SECRET Muslim. If you want to be a SECRET Muslim, then you hide your true feelings until it’s too late. Let’s take a closer look at this whole bacon thing:

There’s Obama near some bacon. Did anyone see him actually eat the bacon?!? What PROOF is there? This meme. Obviously, this is photoshopped unlike anything Alex Jones puts out. Alex is a TRUTH TELLER! How dumb do libtards think we are?

Alex Jones is a great American patriot. How do I know? He told me. And patriotism isn’t defined by your deeds. It’s defined by how big you say your patriotism is.

My major problem is that Alex Jones has been too soft on Islamic infiltration into the White House. Because this shoot goes deep. It goes back at least as far as the Kennedy Administration.

Look at that headscarf. Oh, sure. It was “style” and the “fashion of the time.” Whatever, libtards. We know a hijab when we see one. You can’t fool us. Oh, I know. I know. Jackie O didn’t always wear a hijab but that’s because she and JFK were SECRET Muslims. You wear the hijab so your coreligionists know but then sometimes you eat bacon, drink beer and don’t wear the hijab to throw people off the scent.

These baby-killing, satan worshipper pedophiles are deceptive. They’ll resort to anything to hide their misdeeds. Even hide it behind a good, old American pizza shop. Fortunately, there are great patriots like Alex Jones to expose the TRUTH!

Alex Jones isn’t truly paranoid. If he was truly paranoid, then he’d question the thoughts that wandered across his brain. And then, he’d be a scientist. Conspiracy theorists are half-skeptical. Now, it’s time for the real skeptics to beat them at their own game. Long live the Mixed Mental Artists! All Glory to the Callenphate!

Right after being born in Saudi Arabia, I was taken to the Callen house. Since then, Bryan and I have travelled the world with our Citibank fathers and somehow ended up in LA together. There we’d run into each other at family gatherings and do something that no one else in LA seemed to be doing: we talked about books. Since Bryan was kind of a big deal, Hunter and Bryan hatched a scheme to use his podcast to get on their favorite authors and professors. Out of that evolved Mixed Mental Arts and this tribe. For me, the marriage of entertainment and education is a return to how things used to be before our culture split story into two separate things. It’s exciting to be able to build on the work Katie O’Brien and I did for The Straight-A Conspiracy and expand it out to every area of life. While I play a series of roles in the Mixed Mental Arts community (including Shitty Dutch Uncle and Bryan’s #1 fan) my favorite role is as Toto who pulls back the curtain and let’s the world see that there are no wizards…only men and women who try and puff themselves up to seem important.

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